exclusivity. is it just me or am i feeling left out, deliberately.
two guys from my own department came over and so im feeling a little
less vulnerable now amongst friendly peers.
i just heard theyre all going to memphis this weekend. i found out by accident. it was crushing. the idea that i agreed to play along hoping i would be accepted. they invited me once going to gatlinburg, giving them the benefit of the doubt that i was invited because they were being nice, rather than just being selfish bitches who's sole reason for asking was that they needed a driver to drive their big asses back.
i thought it was the start of living easy amonst these people but no ..
nothing has changed. they have somebody new. who can drive them. if i knew it would be like that with them i would never had agreed.
my sole consolation to all of this .. one more month. thats how short i will have to wait to get rid of these .. leeches.
speaking of leeches. i remembered watching the mother of rose, from the overrated film titanic, begging rose to marry a rich but cruel man so that she (the mother) will have a comfortable life, of which she has become
accustomed to. and i doubt if anybody elses sees the significance of this
little play on own lives. my mother is like that. begging. sending out
guilt ridden pathetic overtures to keep you imprisoned in the cycle of
milking the cow ... very few instances ... do i feel good about it. the few times when i have deluded myself into thinking that helping is the right thing to do. but im actually condemning the both of us into a life of one sided dependence. people ask me why i am depressed, looking at it from the outside. it sure is depressing.