PARESSEUSE ET DESPERATION ET DIRECTX

"When your dreams turn to dust, vacuum."
- Anonymous

[lazy = paresseuse]
je deviens de plus en plus paresseuse depuis il y a deux semaine .. i thought it was just the weather .. it has started to become chilly. i thought about my life then living in the deep south. how i had found every excuse to complain where in retrospect. i had it good. n'import comment, that life is over and im in the middle of a new one. je sais, how it is sometimes when you get caught up with things that you loose sight of what is really important. au'jourdhui, i was talking to one of the guys heading the team and i miraculously found somebody i can agreed with. in terms of how things should be in the project. lesson: whats important pour vous is how we do the project. le methodoligie. and we should be looking for these rare avenues of interest as much as possible. bec. these make you happy.

[observing desperation: not a pretty sight]
it was also amusing to hear from an old friend from cwz. she managed to hold on to her legal status here. after all this time and i am happy for her. it is interesting to be the observer of whats happening rather than being in it. i remember feeling desperate and constantly having the need to prove myself beside the 'citizens', for a job. and ever since i have resigned to my fate, i feel im living an easier, better, and maybe even happier existence. i knew this hearing from this old friend. i got my validation hearing exactly what she was saying about how she needs to look for a permanent job, a better job. i was content and that is maybe the reason it was okey for me to let go of the american dream. i still dream .. but i had to put it off for now. all is not lost. i suspect my experience with the people in cebu .. would also prove fruitful .. in the end.

[directx]
heureusement, i found some directx tutorial and im working on developing a simple space invaders game. featuring the freinds i have fighting off their (what appears to me) greatest enemy. for example, in my case my greatest enemy is myself. so id be shooting down my enemy selves. or another example is obesity or success or loneliness. instead of invading alien ships, the hero would be shooting down abstract ideas. im also thinking of putting down secular activism in the game like .. intolerance sexisme egalité liberté et patati et patata .. im sure its not going to be appreciated by many .. but i think its funny .. to have a serious a topic played like a silly arcade game .. que pensez-vous?

^_^