i feel much better after a week of sulking, missing sleep and empty conversations (how do you escape one without being rude?). paul was right about us needing to forgive mark for causing pain in the community. i observed from tita edna that she was angry. she resented mark's last written letter of love towards them. a love that was, apparently, not enough for mark to brave life. he was under the impression that the world will be a better place without him. i have an idea of what he was talking about. the world of self blame and pity is very comforting and i could see that it could lead you to concentrate fully on yourself.
ate mely visited us in laguna and preached about why the church refuses to admit mark. something to do with discouraging people from commiting suicide. clearly, she and the church is out of touch with reality. she also talked about life being a gift, that our lives are not our own. i didnt bother to enter into a debate with her BS.
papa, on the other hand, is more comfortable with his theory that mark had substance abuse. (not considering the letter .. the several circumstances that point to a premeditated decision).
i accompanied peepen and thea to the hospital. theyre both okey now. i kept thinking they are, what gives us hope and im looking forward on new years eve where they will be at the house to celebrate with us. we consciously attach ourselves to things and people not realizing this is dangerous, when the time comes. or maybe the real lesson is learning to let go.