la voiture

c'est pendant les jour heureux. ma mère m'a venu pendant de plusieur jours après j'ai cassé l'epaule. bien que il m'a pris trois fois de obtenir le license, it was all worth the effort. malheureusement, j'ai arreté utiliser le bicycette et me fait grandir gros.

j'ai voulu toujours acheter un volkswagen beetle. quel nostalgic. clearly different and non conformist. le dessin coming from a not so distant past. it speaks to you about the idolized spirit of its time. individuality and the importance selfless contribution to society, liberal social views and revolutions et patati et patata .. i could see myself driving cross-country, up and down the coastlines, aboard a barge, in a ragtop model. never mind the fact that I don't have a driver license from my home country. in my fantasy, petty things like that don't matter.

there goes your short term plans for the next five years. get a driver license. and get a volksvagen. comment on commence l'acheter dans mon pays?

depressing thoughts

exclusivity. is it just me or am i feeling left out, deliberately.
two guys from my own department came over and so im feeling a little
less vulnerable now amongst friendly peers.

i just heard theyre all going to memphis this weekend. i found out by accident. it was crushing. the idea that i agreed to play along hoping i would be accepted. they invited me once going to gatlinburg, giving them the benefit of the doubt that i was invited because they were being nice, rather than just being selfish bitches who's sole reason for asking was that they needed a driver to drive their big asses back.

i thought it was the start of living easy amonst these people but no ..
nothing has changed. they have somebody new. who can drive them. if i knew it would be like that with them i would never had agreed.

my sole consolation to all of this .. one more month. thats how short i will have to wait to get rid of these .. leeches.

speaking of leeches. i remembered watching the mother of rose, from the overrated film titanic, begging rose to marry a rich but cruel man so that she (the mother) will have a comfortable life, of which she has become
accustomed to. and i doubt if anybody elses sees the significance of this
little play on own lives. my mother is like that. begging. sending out
guilt ridden pathetic overtures to keep you imprisoned in the cycle of
milking the cow ... very few instances ... do i feel good about it. the few times when i have deluded myself into thinking that helping is the right thing to do. but im actually condemning the both of us into a life of one sided dependence. people ask me why i am depressed, looking at it from the outside. it sure is depressing.

j'etudie le français

j'etudie le français. j'apprends tous les jours. j'ai acheté quelque CDs et ai les écouté pendant en surfant pour des photos dans l'internet de la cinema classique ou je jouais l'ordinateur, avant je dors, ou après je reveille le lendemain. je peux voir que j'ai besoin d'apprendres l'accent. quand j'ai acheté le livre qui est intitulé french language dummies, j'ai apprendu comment à lire. quand j'ai acheté ces CDs, j'apprends comment à écouter. quand j'ai pris des cours de français, j'ai apprendu comment à parler.

les choses bizarres. ça s'est passé il y a deux semaines. first the drawing and then au'jourdhui, ce matin the smoking. i, on both times, find out too late. these parallels are bizarre and mostly unnerving. i dont appreciate these coincidences because they only remind me of whats lacking. and after A J and M i thought i had move on .. i think about it .. all the time .. maybe their absence has reverted me back to 3 years ago when i was all messed up from E. more than trois ans ago, there was the earthquake and then the horoscope/theme park incident. i had originally thought i had stumbled upon the meaning of the universe .. and from then on i have become more selective on what to think. it sometimes feel like something is playing cruel joke. but logic wouldnt let me go there.

programming. j'ai obtenu quelque livres au le librairie pour que j'ai eu quelque chose à lire pendant j'habite les pays des cheveux. ce serait pour cinq mois. j'ai prèsque fini le livre clerics quintet. j'ai pensé que je dois obtenir un autre livre. less entertaining and more substance. j'ai décidé que je achèterai ASP.NET step by step ce fois. c'est facile apparemment et je ne sentirai pas que je gaspille (waste) mon temps.