lip my stockings

its the american version of OCW films, minus the exaggerated drama scenes (notable of soaps) of living away from home. it was honest in capturing the details of the culture (the porn, social structures, the little things). a gaijin who has tried living in japan would know what i am talking about. i sympathize with bill .. that he was tired. sleepy. bored. distant. inspite the impersonal smiling and bowing generously shared for his benefit. being alone. trying to get thru the day the best you can. and on top of that finding humor to be a best friend.

comme ça femme en le film .. walking and looking around in the bookstores at the mall, thinking, observing. wondering. et chaque nuit. tres nuit retard. watch tv for the most part of the day. she had a hard time sleeping. she wakes up in the middle of the night and then she cant get back to sleep. parking near the sliding doors just looking at the people coming in/out of the mall. somebody was right. we relate to this film like it was about us.

later somebody was asking me if i ever go out of the house? the question appears to be assuming and innocently condenscending. let people have their fun by agreeing .. sure .. maybe it makes people feel better about their own sad lives. my ego is a small price to pay. s'il te plait .. if it were.

found a jazz club along cabahug going to j's place.

QUI EST VOUS

setup my room with internet and cable. "woohoo" as paul puts it. the foyer is now an unfinished ship dock with all the wires hanging. people would have to skip jump to get upstairs. though im using dialup it doesnt feel as laggng as it was back in laguna. must be a laguna thing. et devine]z quoi!! il y a un channel de france!! TV5. double woohoo?!.

with j last night. it wasnt bad. it wasnt great either. invited em over for todays trip to the boondocks, to see how j feels about being around geeks. the sci fi alliance were prompt at the cafe house. i met kaye and emman. kaye was a true trekkie. and emman was more about lor. both of them are from NEC. jerry told me once that i will enjoy working there. i didnt know what he meant by it until now. i left the "voyage home" with them. todays activity was making vulcan ears and so we (actually just me) decided not to go. we went to travellers instead and got some movies. then to mandaue for dinner and some drinks. the woof cds were great. i think we should have gone with them i think i would have enjoyed watching star trek with other people. or being with people could ruin it. hmm..

adult conversation. i had an interesting talk with the resident tremere . the subject was what kind of friend (or basically a person) are you. and minus the unnecessary name calling (they say i have issues hahaha!) which i was careful not to bite at most esp. we concluded with the following axioms. par le tremere. friends are expected to tell you what to do if they fail to see you are being who they expect you to be. example. im being an ass. so he feels responsible to tell me to watch out being an ass. par le nosferatu. its about letting people be who they want to be. true friends are people who will stick around despite your faults. your so called misgivings. i think i can see where the tremere is coming from. that people usually think they know whats best. and i hope he sees where i am coming from too that only the person knows whats best. the example about drug use and telling them to stop was tricky. i only thought of the proper response after watching lost in translation. that do we make rules out of exceptions?

after watching finding nemo .. the principle is somewhat similar to what kind of upbringing you will use if you had a child. do you control and tell him how he should be or do you let him be what he wants to be. extremes are usually not the answer. neither are always or never.

CEBU GEEKS

i found a group of scifi geeks who have regular (bi monthly) viewings of startrek tng episodes. i have a feeling that this is just a front for an evil corporate (or worse a church). as there is going to be another meeting soon, i will find out about the real story by then. ill bring "the voyage home" .. see what they think of mccoy and spock. hope j comes with me. so i wont feel op. bad sign. i was told one of the members is an avid fan of adnd too. so its possible that they also have a running game. c'est interresant oui.

naturally. what else do i expect from a chatroom avec les chatchaeurs who were innate/deliberately retarded. peut-etre another fundamental difference of chatrooms back here and over there. over there its all about getting laid. over here i think its all about looking like sheep. leipzig had a pretty guest the other night and i swear i would have exploded right there right that second when the lights to the room went off. haha.

i usually reserve my judgements about people esp strangers late after knowing them personally. toutefois, the neighbors tried to sell me some pots and pans. when i refused they gave me an attitude. very unprofessional for someone who claims to be a businesswomen. maybe theyre one of those fair weather friends. who will be present as long as the going is easy otherwise theyre "busy". this is unfortunate.

q: who will you vote for? im about to leave in T minus 120 seconds ... either rocco/gma seem to be a good choice. depends on your personal agenda. are you comfortable with the idea taht your money is being spent on education of kids (not your kids), what about medication (sombody abuses his body and then get free medication)? you pay for somebody elses mistake. parents making babies unable to support all of them so relies on the system. nothing has been said about privatized social security. shouldnt we be able to make the choice on where to invest. the candidates has been focusing on the poor .. how do you feel about being left out. what about our needs. since we are the taxpayer what do we get .. more importantly i know this is light years away. which candidate supports the legalization of prostitution, of prochoice, of a truly free media, of pot. liberté toujours - max (choice is the most important thing we should really take care of) remembering that episode when picard realized how important it was to have a choice.

INVASION

another wierd dream. now its laced with colorful references to gaming. hehehe. i was in what appears to be an abandoned building. it was bright from outside. it was daylight. the windows were all shattered. and parts of the walls were scattered on the floor. i was carrying a child. it was an invasion. an alien invasion. the attack stopped momentarily. so we went towards the exit to see whats happening. other people were with us. they were carrying children too. alien ships that look like the ones from simcity flew above the city. the attack pattern seems random. like it was just to frighten the populace. it was chaos.

then i was with the circle. we had powers. sunshine had butterfly wings and she would make a face and she could manipulate matter. another i dunno who was a cat. or some kind of cat. and another who can shapeshift. it power assignment was a blur. but i remember sunshines. we were in a van we were on the freeway. we were driving away from it. the city was being attacked by huge twisters. it destroys anything it touches. we went around as a really really really big one touched the city. (bigger than what they call "finger of god").

i was thinking of the time wasted fighting each other (nation vs nation, man against man) when we should have been building a defense. and now its too late. there were two kinds of aliens. one looked like silver vaders. his helmet looked like stacked donuts when seen from the back. and the other looked like grey storm troopers but less glamourous.

the circle was in front of a mansion or a palace (looked like malacanang). and two vaders drove passed us in a 1940s vintage car. the aggresive members of the circle followed suit and were stopped by the troopers. they were easily overpowered. sunshine made her face and she burned catface brow. it must have looked like a local disease to the trooper because it back away repulsed by the scene. then sunshine fixed the tear in catfaces brow. catface smiled then went to sleep peacefully. the shapeshifter demonstrated his powers by turning into a chicken. then i woke up .. recurring theme of being desperate, hopeless, and of feeling id rather be somewhere else ..

===

leipzig was covered in sweat walking around the room naked cleaning. it was visceral. wuff wuff .. leipgzig is one of those severly gifted people whom everybody secretly hates.

===

there are several verb tenses in french and one of them is giving me a headache.
1. present - je mange - i eat
2. passe simple - je mangai - i ate (formal)
3. passe compose - je mange - i ate (casual)
4. participe present - je mangeant - im eating
5. futur - je mangerai - i will eat
6. conditionnel - je mangerais - si clauses
7. imperatif - making a request
8. subjonctif - je ne comprends pas ceci --- c'est merde!! :((

LA LUNE

read some funny lines from conan on the internet today. hilarious!

tidbits. drank with bunny (vendredi nuit). steered clear of chacha ms perfect. her comments about me are getting really passé. i hate crowds and the party vendredi le nuit passé is no exception. fortunately, bunny was the same way. we went up on the roof. i got tired of talking about nonsense. so i went home early. its hard to pretend i enjoyed the party. i hope it wasnt obvious.

found out about the moon cafe behind the apartment where a vampire lives according to ian. went out (to watch a movie) with the neighbors to show my appreciation. they helped me earlier during the move. i revealed to them my true nature and noticed a slight change in their demeanor. that or im paranoid. but it all went well towards the end. it wont be long now that the news of a vampire living at l'apartement numéro cinq will spread. these neighbors are the sort that will make sure of it. there are lesser kindred living at sept peut-etre ill drop by for a visit one of these days. also, although this is induced, i dreamed of leipzig. leipzig is a slut. a very pretty slut.

the next day, i woke up from a dream. i was at a beach. there was a house. i imagined about how satellites were formed (remembering a CGI on the science channel on how it went). it was obviously a false theory. it showed how an impact on the side of a planet could push parts of it out to create its moon. what happens to planets with multiple satellites? it just doesnt look good. but in the dream, this was how moons were formed.

NEXUS

i woke up at 2h00 ce matin. i was hearing voices outside of my room (my roommates) .. over here its called "housemate" to refer to living in the same house and different bedrooms - paranoid eh?. i wasnt able to sleep and i remember swearing to write down the dream i had. now its completely forgotten.

i was england. its the age of exploration. i am running against the dutch, the french, the portugese, and the spaniards. we were to colonize the new world (in the east) and the dark continent (in the south). the new world hosts the ancient civilizations of the incans, aztecs, mayans, and the iraqouis. the trick is to ship as many colonists to the americas and africa before the others. the odds of getting a real foothold is remote. theres just too many of the nations competing. so by the time i got to colonizing my second city. i declared war with the french. it was inevitable because i will be cut off from the western half of north america. luckily, i was able to bring on the other nations on board in the war effort, leaving my resources concentrated in colonization. also it was vital not to reveal your map to anyone. especially to the nations in europe who were as capable or more, of shipping colonists than you. finally, if you did gain a foothold. its just a matter of shipping the goods from the colonies back to the mother city (in this case, london). pirates roamed the atlantic so the galleons should be flanked by frigates for protection. i was not able to produce privateers (ships used by pirates) why?

i saw there is a job opening. and i could instantly see who, amongst my friends, was in support and who wasnt. it was the same list of names i had difficulty gaining support from with other issues. so it doesnt come as a surprise that our little experiment produced the same list. our theory is correct. solution news blackout. this is a good idea. its been going on i just didnt know what to call it. now i know. the principle is we should stay away from people who wouldnt contribute to our growth as a person. i remember nobody believed that i was going the last time until it was already at the doorstep. no greetings. which is weird because i consider them to be close friends. my family was like that although with them theyre mostly preoccupied with the debts. its happening again and im getting the same signals. disappointing.

PRÉSIDENT

I woke up @ six this morning thinking about mark. he died under "unpleasant circumstances". my mother would joke about following me beyond the grave just to prove a point if i went the same way (in other words there is no escape - maybe a personal hell specifically designed for me would be being stuck with them forever). i love them. but it doesnt mean i want be around them all the time. liberté. if mother who was a happy go lucky kind had thought about following, there is every reason to assume marks mom thinks about it too. all her children are abroad. maybe i should call her.

j'ai vu quelque vampire films ce week-end passé. tous étaient fantastique. makes you wonder how come all that creativity is lacking in the local media. are we genetically retarded? is there such a thing. i know its racist. but there appears to be a specific strengh and weakness to a race. peut-être c'etait la culture. ou peut-être c'etait la genetique. whatever is the cause. il y a une je suis sûr. whenever the local media does try to follow up with more modern ideas it comes out as retarded. notre perception des nosferatu par exemple. si le manille est retardé ce que plus dans les provinces. ils ne sont pas des clowns. not to be feared or hated. or worse laughed at in public. mais c'est la vie mon ami .. n'est ce pas?

presidential platforms. and its not complete. my guess is the media is at fault. les intellectuals have been talking about not focusing on the personality and yet there they (le media) are. they know its wrong and they are empowered to make a difference. channel 7. jessica sojo. reporting on how come brother eddie doesnt go to a haridresser for a makeover. what the f*ck?? and shes one of the "best" in her field. n'import comment, here they are.

ping lacson - 2 child policy. not governed by the church (or so it seems). his practicality and directness automatically makes him a favorabale candidate except he seems to have other plans on his past political opponents if he wins. red flag. whats he going to do? we do not need another shot at martial law. it was then that our economy plunged to where we are now. when the militia was above the citizenry.

roco - free education. this is however a misnomer, it isnt free because the taxpayers will be paying for it, since the mob would not understand the word "socialized education" it was simpler and clever to just use the word "free". study now pay later program. i am still discussing the idea of having to pay for other peoples issues. it doesnt seem fair for those who work hard. (democratic).

gma - economic and political stability. foreign investment. a clear republican. which is what i like about her. its not practical for the middle class (10% lets say) to be supporting the lower class (90%). its just not going to work out. its too imbalanced. socialism works in more stable enviroments like countries in europe and america. and so maybe my parents are on to something about this. they are rooting for GMA. o yeah .. even in america, socialism doesnt work. the poor are encouraged to be poor and so they are trapped in a cycle from generation to the next of welfare. (who pays for it - the working middle class).

fpj - i am a little disappointed at the inavailability of his platform at this point in the campaign. exactly like erap, he shys away from open debates. he says they arent necessary. red flag. open debates was a pillar of the republic when it started back in rome. are we are veering away from being a republic? maybe so, since we are operating like medieval europe. what i like about him is he doesnt seem to be controlled by the church. and he has yet to prove he can make unpopular decisions.

and finally brother eddie. whom i heard (just hearsay) ran because he didnt want a woman for president. a definite red flag. at this day and age. people who view women as second class citizens still exists. (and yes even at work i find these people) amazing isnt it? its like having a time machine to the dark ages. only the time machine broke and i cant get back to my own time. (sigh) téléportation scotty! eddie also proposes a nation under god. which i am totally (cross mon coeur and hope to die ^_^) against at. havent we learned from history. the current situation in the middle east, a concrete example of how countries run by a church would be like. the constitution contains a clause on the separation of church and state. i dont know if this covers brother eddies attempt at the presidency.

PLDT

l'annee derniere, au début, .. it cost ma famille 2000 for a monthly subscription to a less than pleasant experience with pldts version of a DSL connection .. it was faster than a regular dial up by just about 20k bytes. (for practical purposes .. an example .. if a dial up is at 56k, dsl personal package is at 75k). it was lightyears away from a real DSL which supposedly is at 100k and more. now ive read from there offical website that theyve lowered the monthly damage from 2000 to 1500 (which doesnt really make a difference) but guess what. they also put on a 45 hour limit a month to the package. f*ckin shit yeah?!! monopolies (namely PLDT) shouldnt be allowed to do business in a way that short changes the consumer. im all for deregulation and privatization. but it seems consumers (namely me) are not getting the proper service nor is there really a choice. irony, we be getting a phone sometime now back at the apartment (after a month of soul searching with pldt theyve finally granted us a phone with no dial tone) - which roughly translates to - "we are bad asses and we do what we want .. WHEN we want". all part of the crazy bullshit we third worlders have to deal with. f*ck ...

le week-end passé, j'etait tout par moi-même. j'ai vu tout les films de les alien avec le sigourney weaver. c'etait tout magnifique. et bien sûr, avec scotty et son ordinateur .. remember it? c'etait vraiment drôle. even si je l'ai vu un cent fois. en plus, "tu est moi!" shinzon told picard .. the driving theme of the movie nemesis. who we hate .. mirror ourselves. which explains my personal aversion towards fundamentalism parce que je suis pour liberté toujours.

MAD

mad scientist and stem cell research. it should continue on both pursuits (therapeutic and reproductive) because we risk an oppurtunity to improve the human condition. this could be singular .. who knows how much time a dominant specie has, viewed from the time scale of evolution. i do not know where this maverick science freak image is coming from. perhaps analogous to the anti-frenchism phenomenon. never (as far as i am aware of) has there been in history a true mad scientist. could it just be a cynical by-product of popular culture? i know of mad clerics on a rampage to stamp out other religions but a mad scientist? i believe they only exist in our heads, in our fears. it just doesnt follow up (at least for me). science is all about rationality, empirical evidence, and logic. in theory, nothing perceivable about this community could allow madness to creep in. in history, religion is a clear giant proponent of mad endeavors. not in science.

so the argument about stem cells and cloning babies being maliciously led by people in the scientific community is just unreal. and not surprisingly this reproach comes from people at the other side of the fence. the church continues to project its monstrosity in science, in government. i wish more people (like me) are empowered and provoked to end the real madness.

LE CROIRE

je ne peux pas le croire encore .. ils ont tué data .. en le film nemesis. c'est triste toujours de perdre un ami, even if he/she was just an imaginary friend. j'ai vu un télévision le nuit passé. i saw five templates of the run. each has its own strength and weakness. but the question still stands who will best run a nation. im imagining what will happen if each of the candidates had his/her way.

the cleric - supernatural beliefs. we step backwards further into the dark ages. a thousand years.
the merchant - political stability and a strong economy. the middle class is empowered and we become a major player in the world market
the philosopher king - the pursuit of knowledge (science). same result except we get there faster.
the actor - the unified support of the mob. nothing changes. we enter into a devious cycle of political upheavals. maybe even a civil war.
the knight - peace and order. crime plunges down. it was good. people live in relative content.
the philantrophist - $$ each citizen is given 1M pesos. yehey.

i think we may need to re-invent yet another type of government. one that is ruled by a council and a president/monarch. to address each of the important agendas in running a nation. patterned from the government of byzantium (the eastern half of the roman empire) when the capital (the west) rome was falling apart. i do not remember studying the constitution back in school. i do not remember studying philosophy either (except back au l'université). i do remember the wasteful hours spent memorizing the beatitudes.

AU TÉLÉPHONE

i was discussing american politics with a friend and he abruptly told me .. to "let it go max" that i was talking about something thats in another continent. he has a point. i should move on, i should recognize that i am now in the pacific. i think im still clinging to the good times. i read my past blogs i always mention places ive been too. obviously refering to the present which commonly isnt appreciated for what is. i find it comforting to look at the past remembering only the best of times. however .. as another friend assured me that politics is just any other topic .. no reason why we cant talk about it. its a reminder of how things could work for other cultures and is totally a bad idea for others. like democracy. i dont think our current populace is ready for such a big responsibility. the country feels like rome when the mob was in control. and the supposed voice of the people (the senate) are couped up in their villas.

i appreciate having a blog. i dont have to bother other people any longer in the yahoogroups. its like phoebes "happy" place .. to be able to talk about anything i want .. well almost anything. i remember there was a point when i was relentless at sending msgs over at email at the yahoogroups. even at those composed of people i hardly know. sending artworks. at times i think i was truly desperate. other times though i like to keep to myself. there were a couple of times i was asked out for a date by the nurse (from dothan) and the gas attendant (from el salvador). and it was star trek night. i gave out a lousy excuse that i was sick. they usually dont buy it. the point is .. its not like i dont have oppurtunities to meet people. its just that sometimes .. i rather not. harsh yes. mais la vérité toujours.

i used to be excited about getting a phone line at the apartment because then i can connect thru the internet and do myusual routine of chats and meet people in the city .. now .. im bummed. what are the odds of meeting an a. just about none. like asking the church to relinquish it temporal pursuits in government.

aujourd'hui, je lis au sujet de le téléphone. j'ai apprécié cette leçon tellement, donc, je dois écrire à son sujet.
1. allo
2. pourrais-je parler a _____?
3. je voudrais parler a _____?
4. qui est a appareil? ou
4. c'est de la part de qui?
5. c'est ____ a appareill.
5. c'est de la part de ____.
6. ne quittez pas.
7. je vous le passe.
8. la ligne est occupée.
9. un appel a P.C.V.
10. un repondeur téléphonique.

en plus, le nuit passé j'ai vu le film nemesis deux fois. can you believe it?! peut-être j'observerai encore ce soir haha .. i can not get enough of the remanais et romulanais ..

IM UPSET

my sister is in the hospital right now. this happened this morning .. she was outside the house .. shes about to go to work .. when out of nowwhere her bag was grabbed by a guy who was on a tricycle. she fell and hit her head in the curb. we dont know whats happening yet .. her head hurts .. i hope there no permanent damage .. .. im really really really angry ... theres been a noticeable increase of squatters in the area .. i dunno why the mayor is allowing this to happen. meron na daw syndicate sa subdivision namin according to the baranggay. mga p*tang inang squatters ... they (the unrecognizable carcasses, since theyve been burned alive in their makeshift houses) should all be mass bulldozed to an island .. why do they have to include us (we dont bother them .. why should they bother us) in their crimes. if it were up to me .. i will have the culprit shot in public at the limbs so that he's forced to spend the rest of his life a vegetable, and then i would visit him every other week to ask him "was it worth it? was the stupid bag worth it". no remorse. just the irony of how things will end up by then .. gives me the precise satisfaction of a perceived justice ..

au diner le nuit passé, two kids were begging for alms. i was moved thinking these kids didnt deserve hunger (where are their parents who is supposed to be taking care of them .. where is the social programs that insures food for these children) so i gave them money and asked them to not tell anyone about it. as i was leaving, they shouted thanks and i signaled them to quiet down pertaining to our original agreement to keep things at low profile. i felt good on the walk back to the apartment. i felt i did something selfless. a voice inside my head joked "so what now .. you expect a reward?". i just laughed it off .. but then i thought maybe i wasnt being self less. i was feeling guilty for something i have nothing to do with .. next time ill just ignore them.

j'ai un dessin ce week-end passé. its akikawa. i spent most of sunday just looking at her face. i dont know what that "hanging gardens" women wear is called. i just call it hangging gardens because it hangs there accentuating the womans face. like a garden accentuates a manor.

comment puis-je vous aider?

au travail, pour la première fois, je me sens finalement important. après j'ai travaillé sur le on the rebadge engine (pour les trois semaines) et puis, j'ai vu que c'était travaillant. maintenant, je le fais plus facile a utiliser. en plus avec autre logistics. comme automating the path gathering. i had a final run using it for the rebadge task set for today. je ne peux pas dis si c'est un cent pour cent (100%) .. without it having gone the MK series of tests.

andrea is one of the most perfect beings i have laid my eyes on. if there were once gods and goddesses that walked the earth, she would be one of the progenys.

ec (who is in my book was a complete stranger) approached and asked me how to do a trick on property sheets. i didnt know off hand how to do it but i was sure i can find the solution somewhere. www.codeguru.com and www.codeproject.com contains almost all solutions to an average programmer's nightmares. for lack of a better expression merci deiu pour la internet! haha. n'import comment, what is important is that i was able to demonstrate resourcefulness. and what made ec ask me is another matter which i think is good. this means i have developed a reputation for knowing the answers (which isnt necessarily true but nobodys perfect ey) ^_^

i was asked to write a postcard-like article for the company newsletter. it could be about anything in lexington. i wrote this (it would be something like i would normally right on a postcard): maayong buntag!! how's it going? this weekend it was overcast and the wind blew with a reverberating chill. early fall remains to be my favorite season in the year, despite the weather. when the greens of the trees appear to leap at you. and wearing extra on top of your regular clothing only reminds us that the holidays are upon us. we just got back from the lexington horse park. it was several minutes away from the apartment. it was awesome to look at the different kinds of horses living there, and the deep history that comes with each is nothing but remarkable. always, jun i went over the pictures that the guys took at that time. and picked out what i would think readers would enjoy looking at. there wont be any online versions of the newsletter - just pdf (je pense c'est un peu bizarre parce que tout le monde est deja .. going online).