comment peux-je oublie?

can some people be anymore abrasive? not to mention excessively arrogant and unbelievably rude. not a kind word ever comes out of that mouth. i dont remember having to put up with so much shit. there is so much shit back there, i swear that bitch is a septic tank. a cesspool of filth. IT STINKS!! fortunately, there is a recourse. wait. having heard from the wisened buddha who promises that suffering is an illusion. and its temporary. that at least, is something to look forward to. meanwhile, there is arcadia. that same night, i went back. to past glories. l'année était deux mille un. le mois de mai. i wish it all to come back to me. comment peux-je oublie? i dreamed i was back aux etats-unis. twice as much as in the daylight. then there was a whom i longed for ever since. i asked myself what was i afraid of. why didnt i do anything. why did i let the moment pass. if there is a door somewhere in time, come back to me ..

je relis le protocol kyoto. russia is signing up! i hope more countries are seeing the light of wisdom in taking care of the planet. while america, like in many of its policies, continues to evade the responsibility of taking care of earth. despite clear indications that they are the topmost polluters of the planet. the same attitude posted by some americans over the iraqi situation. and i quote "why does america have to ask permission from the UN if they want to go to war" .. its one planet. what they do especially of this scale has huge repercussions. why cant they see that?

je lis un livre que s'appelle design patterns par grady booch. i am impressed with the catalog of design patterns featured in chapter one, recognizing past implementations of former projects. here are some of my impressions:

1. Facade. MFC looks like its using a facade to simplify GDI and win32 APIs.
2. Command. Passing objects as parameters.
3. Flyweight. Utility libraries.
4. Proxies. Data Placeholders.
5. Singleton. theApp! But dont get too hang up on your globals.
6. Template Method. similar process different data types.

mon préféré chanson

france is organizing a discussion over the war situation, which includes the leaders of the iraqi liberation. whats really going to happen in the next five to ten years. besides conan taking over lenos sit at late night.

c'est une lettre à une japonaise qui étudie anglais et j'ai écrit -- konnichiwa kuma-san, i visited several cities in your country and i absolutely LOVED it! i loved the food, the culture, everything except for the fact that i failed to learn nipponggo. my fault. i can't decide which was my favorite city. i have heard stories about kyoto which has surviving old japanese architecture. maybe someday i will be able to visit your beautiful country again. ja ne ..

après beaucoup beaucoup ans, je pense que c'est encore mon préféré chanson. il s'appelle "i saw her standing there" par les beatles.

une deux trois quart ..
quand elle était juste 17
and you know what i mean
and the way she looked
was way beyond compare
so how could i dance with another
and i saw her standing there

quand elle regarde à moi
et j'ai pu voir
that before too long
i fall in love with her
she wouldnt dance with another
and i saw her standing there

well mon coeur went boom?
when i cross the room
and i held her hand in mine

woah we dance all thru night
and we held each other tight
that before too long
j'ai tombé en amour avec elle
while i wouldnt dance with another
depuis j'ai y vu (3x)

cinéma l'australie

do you support the war in iraq? before it got started to where it is today, id have said no i dont. it's illegal and i had giant doubts about the imminent threat they posed. fast forward to the present, and i was right. there were no WMDs. however, to answer the same question today is not so easy. america has dug itself into this mess hole its now unimaginable for me how they are ever going to get out. was it even part of the plan. or theyre going to occupy iraq. until they pull another vietnam. another philippines. where after destroying their sense of self worth, self identity, their national pride, and finally their unique culture. americas going to pack up and leave. which leaves a gaping hole of longing for that "cool and superior" american culture, the younger generation of iraqis (by this time) would have been soo accustomed too. just look at the philippines. same principle. or maybe its just me. en tous cas, i cant wait for the kerry bush debate either thats going to be on thursday. i hope we also get to see it back here (the third world).

nous (moi et mon copain) avons vu le film que s'appelle walking on water. people are unnecessarily uptight about a lot of things, maybe even more in this country. about aids, dying of aids, drug use, mercy killing, homosexuality, adultery, death, overbearing mothers, and overbearing friends. live and let live. a lot of people were immature about the racy scenes. i was glad there werent any foreigners to observe.

aussi en vendredi, nous avons vu le film que s'appelle feng shui. a fairly good film about a cursed bagua. however we find several elements of it in other films. even the way it was executed. (copied) from six sense, the ring, the eye. then some of the scenes felt it needed more convincing. or it was trying too hard to fulfill the curse (lotlot scene i thought was completely absurd). et en fait, kris aquino n'a pas pu acte. elle n'est pas une actrice. un autre chose, they could for instance used an object that is filipino. why the continued fascination with les chinois?

darktower comment. if you could, would you trade places with the past? remember when several people left the st:tng bridge. tasha yar, wesley, obrien, sometimes troi, and at one point beverly too. and the show stayed intact. it is because they are not "the glue". not everyone is a picard nor a riker. the members of the crew which were colorful but not critical. exactly with me and my former RPG group. identifying who are the picards is easy. when i left half a decade ago they continued to exist without me. this means im just a wesley or an obrien. but take away a picard (maybe like rob) and i think, the ship will cease to function. i agree, it is nice to remember the good old times.

l'automne commence

l'automne commence aujourd'hui. c'est mon préféré saison de l'année quand il ne fait pas froid ni chaud. 70 degrees. it feels right. even when im now living in the tropics where seasons are less evident, i feel most comfortable in fall. this is also the first time, in a long time, that i have to spend it away from .. les etats-unis. hmmm .. how very unfortunate. exactly last year i was preparing for a directx project haha.

satur ocampo is a communist who went underground during the marcos era, circa 1970s. these days, he is a statesman from one of the more popular parliaments -- "bayan muna (pays première)". he talked about remembering the martial law years. one caller said he deserved to be in jail because he was a communist. imagine just how screwed it was back then if citizens are imprisoned for having opposing ideas. and how far, as a society, we have gone since. saturs former jailer who happens to be a colleague in congress, some military dude, is denying all allegations of being involved in any human violations activity. who is more likely to tell the truth? en tout cas, satur and his wife appeared to be very genuine. they are cool.

for a blog about sex deprivation. - i have never been married but ever since i hit 25 i got less and less interested. horny days are far to in between. i do not think it will ever go back to the way it was when i was a budding 17.

i was at the bank the other day. there was this angry woman and beside her was a mature looking foreigner, probably an american. what bothered me was why did she have to talk so loud. and it was even more irritating to hear her accent. she doesnt seem to be aware of the fact that she had one. we all have accents, i told myself. some pleasant and some arent. once, i remember feeling nice to talk freely without fear of judgement. what makes a different accent? pressure? take the americans for instance, was it all part of a cultural response against the stuffy british ..

its phenomenally boring at work. which gave me an astounding amount of time to blog around. i would say 90% of what i have read is crap. 6% is written in languages i have very limited knowledge about. another 3% are fake blogs, obvious marketing strategies to increase their presence for search engines. and then there is the 1% which were genuine works of literature, political socio religious commentaries, and photoblogs. the kind of crap that i hate the most? even though, im well aware that i am part of that great majority. is the same kind of crap salieri had to put up with all his life - mediocrity. it makes you kind of wonder what those talented few must have felt living beside people like us? qu'est-ce que vous pensez? il est différent quand on est barvard et quand on est barvard au sujet de rien ..

[ma santé] qu'est-ce que j'ai mangé aujourd'hui? j'ai pris du riz, des potage de sang, un verre de sprite, et trois tasses de café .. (à plus tard)

quatre verres de milo

j'ai fini le livre que s'appelle artemis fowle par eoin colfer. j'ai l'aimé. hmm i thought the blurred line between absolutes (good or evil) was great. same with the antagonist in princess mononoke, having n-dimensional personalities livened up the stories because they were invariable and believable. at the opposite end, having absolutes like emperor palpatine or satan from christian mythology had stopped making sense. like the word forever .. i cant imagine what is forever .. anyhoo, it feels like jk rowling has started a trend.

revolving testicles. what was the designer thinking putting testicles on this protoss unit. its not the strongest nor the most popular. but i like the vulnerable quality about them (thinking maybe its pity).

one night stands. it is a popular notion that men do it more than women, but thats misleading because if men do it (theyre doing it WITH women). the statistics then are most likely at par. not including those men who pay women for sex. this is about two adults fully consenting to sex for one night. no strings attached. my experience in this area is obviously limited (since i had to ask). a couple times when i was angry or depressed over something. to feel better about myself but after the fact, i felt lonely even more. so i stopped. more than anything, there is just not enough attractive people around to have it with (or at the least, agree to have it with me). ^_^ c'est la vie ..

[ma santé] qu'est-ce que j'ai mangé aujourd'hui? j'ai eu quatre verres de milo (deux dans le matin et deux dans le soir). ce après-midi, j'ai eu des calmar, des légumes, des riz, et un verre de ice tea. puis plus tard, pour diner, j'ai eu du poisson, du riz, et un verre de milo encore.

cinéma europa

c'est pour le moment .. weekend well spent id say .. alors, ce matin prochaine, je m'ai rêvé étais aux etats-unis. i felt defeated when i woke up. like the reverse process of falling to sleep. i woke up to what i felt was a nightmare. c'est réalité. ils ont montré plusieurs films d'europa au SM. il y a tout à fait quatorze films européen. voici sont les films selon chaque pays avec leur noms en anglais et francais (those which i have seen already):

j'ai vu ces films dans le week-end passé:

[les hollandes] - le première film s'appelle "le météore noir". racism and inter-racial relationships. i had a problem understanding the heavily accented english. [la finlande] - le deuxième film s'appelle "moi et morrison". très érotique. about a life of excess gone from just having fun to dangerously fatal. my favorite so far because i have huge huge crush on one of the characters. devinez qui? ^_^ [la france] - le troisième film s'appelle "les choristes". the singing was enchanting. a real work of art. [la suède] - le quatrième film s'appelle "deadline". it talked about what successful women in the work field have to deal with. it was nice to see real looking people acting. unlike other films where i thought everyone looks perfect, perfectly tailored. [la république tchèque] - divided we fall. funny movie about world war 2 in prague. where friends turn to enemies turn to friends. very clever.

if we were all stories. some are happy, some are sad, and some like me, are adrift. neither happy nor sad. just doing the best we can, one day at a time. as far as the ending goes. id like to end with an unnoticed exit. no drama. no fuss. and more importantly no promises.

la kkk

i rarely join art contests because i have always felt i was never good enough. once, when i was younger, i signed up for one for PNB (where mother used to work). i won 3rd place! the theme was christmas and i drew a snow man. it was drawn on an quarter sized illustration board and crayons. lots and lots of it ..

kooperativa ng kapatiran para sa kaunlaran (kkk) - is a cooperative of retired employees, in which my mother is a member of. she asked me to draw for their logo making contest. i chose this tree, which i took a picture of, near lola lolengs house. its called a buli tree, from the same family of coconut trees. i thought it was ageless, grand and alive. a proper symbol for a sisterhood that is lasting, persisting, and noble.

blue tanon is a startup cooperative spearheaded by papa. membership is open exclusive to family members. since they are still at a capital buildup stage, a lot of people are feeling negative about it. so much for moral support. (there are optimists and there are pessimists). i think it is a great idea. it will help the less fortunate members of the family, and the dividends is instant profit. i am not blind to the fact that we wont see the benefits in our life time, but were not really overly concerned about that are we .. this is for the far future ..

genly called. he was my professor from french 1. he sounded scared or in a hurry. he was asking me if i was free to take french 2. i am okey with it except that he sounded too desperate, like he got fired and needed money to make it thru this month.

en plus, je suis dans ma seizième leçon française. la leçon est le tense passé composé. voir la leçon, cliquez ici s'il vous plait. je ne l'ai compris jamais avant, mais en tout cas et finalement, je le comprend maintenant ... yehey :o)
===
the fallacy of the stolen concept by ayn rand. an assertion that derives a conclusion and ignoring its epistomological roots.

j'ai pensé d'une bonne exemple .. when people claim secular humanism/atheism is a kind of religion. this is an oxymoron. while one is based on reason, the other is entirely based on faith. practically opposites? one is the comfortable acceptance of an allegation without evidence whereas the other is the painstaking process of logic based on empirical evidence or at the least, acceptable inferences. note) be on the lookout for better examples ..

pornographie

Which South Park character are you? Kyle Hes a really smart kid that gets made fun of because he is jewish and he has a canadian adopted brother.

Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

paul of accenture called. there are 4 interviews total. im in my second. it was a "technical" interview, but the questions where nothing but. specific only to the point of what i did in general. i felt comfortable and very confident, except the part where everybody else in the room is able to hear the phone call. word usually gets out (a third world thing?). in my previous work, we worked in cubicles, but not once did i feel people were prying.

remember when porn had a real story? i thought i got more out of it compared to just your average f*ck porn. several of my personal favorites where about being seduced or forced into sex, not rape (although as disturbing, because i find it as appealling). sci-fi infusion made it even more perverse .. (cough cough), i meant perfect! :o)

(1) aliens have invaded earth, they are using male libido as a source of energy, and eventually libido levels were running out, and so an agency composed of vixens (like charlie's angels) saved the planet by enticing the men to sex (bringing back their libidos) -- c'est "parfait"!

(2) a galaxy class spaceship hears a distress call for help in a nearby system, the ship was infected by a wierd energy based alien monster which makes victims uninhibited. leaving noone else to drive. they came to help and got infected themselves. the captain was a quick thinker though, he recalibrated their weapons to repel the aliens thus saving the day. -- c'est "parfait" aussi!

le puits et l'infirmière

this is lolo gorio and lola goria's well up in babaw. it is close to a hundred years old. its up on a hill and there are no roads nor lights leading up to it. just faded trails in which if you do not know exactly where you are going, you will get lost for sure. today lola loleng lives there. the other day in the news, i read that underground water tables are being sucked dry by the use of modern electric water pumps, leaving some areas dry and without water. the pumps take volumes of water up to the surface. i thought this was not a smart use of technology and resources, if other people are left with no water.

hypothetical situation. remember that nurse from dothan. yes the one that moved further down nearer to panama city. nickname = pee. we talked briefly on the phone while at lexington. but we havent seen each other in a while (about three years). things didnt work out between us because i felt it was all about sex. which was not the type of thing i was looking for. i am a relationship type of guy. a kind of sap i know. either way, what was i thinking?! anyhow, out of the blue, i got a yahoo message. we started talking about how we miss each other. and i do .. i really do miss pee. pee was seeing two guys who lived not more than 20 minutes away from the trailer. hesitant about the two guys, afraid that they might leave, like i did. i actually didnt leave. i was technically kicked out (of the country). turns out we are both currently fustrated with our sex lives. then, pee became generous at the webcam, anyone can easily guess what happened next, and here lies the question, since im kind of in a relationship .. is it still cheating if its done over the internet? -- reminder to get a webcam tomorrow .. ^_^

03.23.2003. this picture was taken during nano and min's beach wedding early last year. the wedding itself took place in a country chapel. the reception was along the beach nearby in batangas. it was simple and beautiful. i liked the part when we flew some kites. i enjoyed talking to the lady on the far left. i knew her just from the wedding. elle s'appelle rigal. elle parle les langues allemagne et anglais. elle est un avocat aussi. briefly but surely. she inspired me to formally take up french.

le conte de deux églises

I Am A: Chaotic Good Human Mage. Chaotic Good characters are independent types with a strong belief in the value of goodness. They have little use for governments and other forces of order, and will generally do their own things, without heed to such groups. Humans are the 'average' race. They have the shortest life spans, and because of this, they tend to avoid the racial prejudices that other races are known for. They are also very curious and tend to live 'for the moment'. Mages harness the magical energies for their own use. Spells, spell books, and long hours in the library are their loves. While often not physically strong, their mental talents can make up for this. Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy of NeppyMan!
===
avant à batohanon, il y a deux églises. une catholique et une philippine catholique indépendant église (otherwise known as the aglipayan church). they sheperded the souls of local inhabitants for centuries until recently in the late 1900s.

in the late 1900s, the aglipayan church sent their bishop to a seminar abroad (in singapore). the bishop, after having been converted to a born again christian in singapore, came back and started to make some changes (selon à s'agenda, bien sûr). like a malignant virus that has infected the matrix, it eats away at the core unnoticed. masses in the morning were done in the traditional aglipyan way, much like their roman catholic sisters do, which was solemn and venerable. masses in the evening were done in the new progessive, larger than life, born again christians are famous about. i havent put it to thought but it was likely that since children and younger generations prefer to go to mass late. the first converts were from that particular segment of the fold. soon, the converted bishop has started making changes to everything. and the aglipayan church, for a time, experienced a kind of self purging. i dont think they stand a chance of making it.

there was an incident where the bishop with his converts, had begun defiling religious relics. property of the church under the belief that images are evil. this was the line that had sent them packing. a debate on religious belief was one thing but destruction of private property was another.

the catholic church, being on the sideline, is not without problems either. with the newcomer, it too was loosing business (a wide share of the market). which has lead me to conclude later. that the aglipayan and catholic church should join forces, being the most compatible, now that they have a new enemy. a very powerful enemy.

09.09.2004. i took this picture while i was on a parked bus at the terminal en route to cebu city. two hours away. the bus wasnt air conditioned (ac). it played loud hiphop. comfortable weather that evening. its nice to feel natural fresh for a change. i thought the color of the sky and sun against the indistinct shadowed foreground, were extraordinary. no wonder so many foreigners decide to stay here. the view is magnificent.

capitain maximo

1930. this is a picture of marcelino and gabina during a picnic. they were in college and steady dating at this time. i wanted to show a picture of them because they were a crucial known link to my family tree, the line that connects me to my earliest known ancestor named captain maximo. the first cabeza de barragay of bato (batohanon). bato is a suburb of toledo city, which is located on the central west of cebu island, facing leyte. bato is historically the known stronghold of the macapobres since the late 1800s. and it continues to be one until today.

-- this story is based on the article written by cecillo m. lasco of the city assessor's office, toldeo city 1985. it is about maximo macapobre, one of the founders of toledo, was born in valencia, carcar, cebu as maximo tanudtanod. little is known about his life except for stories handed down to his scions still living in bato. his nickname was imok. he was a leader and an activist. he often denounce the abuses of the guardia civil and the oppression brought upon by tax collectors. he defied the spanish authorities by refusing to be drafted in the military service.

imok's father was amadeo. concerned for the safety of his son, he sneaked imok to bato. to hide their identities, they changed their family name from tanudtanod to macapobre. in bato, imok settled for good and married a beautiful lass, a certain lady named sumilhig, with whom he begot eight children, namely gervacio, angel, victorina, potenciana, regino, maria, baldomero (this guy wasnt one of the children mention in the article, but from tradition and written accounts he is of imok's line), and two others whose names are lost to history.

as a resident of bato (formerly known as batohanon) and having a family of his own, capitain imok, as he was now called by the people of his baranggay (he was formerly titled cabeza de baranggay), again showed up his concern for the welfare of his community and for the quality of life for his people.

he was an ordinary man, imok possessed an extra-ordinary desire to provide for his family a green pasture which served as his inspiration to work hard. he was able to own and operate an "intosan" - the old system of milling sugar cane to produce sugar which was constructed in sitio tipoo, bato. the sugar was then sold in hinulawan, the old name of toledo.

in hinulawan, he was invited to a council composed of other leaders in the area, to establish the new town. the new town and its present location is called toledo upon suggestion of the alcalde mayor of cebu whose place of origin in spain was the province of toledo.

amadeo macapobre and unknown (early 1800s) begot
maximo macapobre and sumilhig (mid 1800s) begot
baldomero macapobre and victorina wasawas (late 1800s) begot
marcelino macapobre and gabina tejana (early 1900s) begot
romeo macapobre and rosalinda sales (mid 1900s) begot
romeo macapobre jr -- (late 1900s) c'est moi!! hehehe

anita

1949. this shows that odd custom of taking pictures of the dead. in their coffins. this picture is of anita. the youngest female sibling. older than tito leo. she died of influenza. at the back is the old wooden house where lolo gorio and lolo goria lived. ils sont mes grand-grand-parents. ma grand-mère aben (quand elle était jeune) est derrière le petit coffret de anita.

its a creepy custom. but maybe people, those days, had a different view of death. they were probably more accepting of it. much like the egyptian practice of building statues to honor their dead. they, people of cebu of that time period, take pictures.

i like the drama and nostalgia of yester-years, seen in the costumes they wear. their expressions and emotions captured. and it extends momentarily the memory of their existence.
===
call centers. brain drain. answering the phone and knowing the manuals isnt exactly a creative process like systems or applications development. if a technology graduate willfully (because the pay is good) or is forced to (because there arent any jobs), enter call centers, the skills she incurs is different (way different) from what is needed in developing software. when we loose highly educated in technology skills to answering the phone .. thats brain drain. ultimately, the industry will end up with people who know how to read and memorize manuals ..

traditionally brain drain is defined as an emigration of highly educated people from one country to another. what happens when call centers become the frequent destination of our tech graduates .. a kind of emigration .. n'est ce pas ..

at meals when i eat alone, people often ask me how i was doing. why was i alone. implying there was something wrong. probably not understanding, that some people (comme moi) prefer it that way. if i wanted to be with people, i have no problems asking for company. even if it was with a total stranger. i had times during laundry day where i would approach people for small talk. (just to find out that i am wasting my time). a friend could not have put it better in his blog entry -- the dark tower.

les femmes de 1930

year 1929-30. mon père dit sa mère est dans l'image. elle est ma grand-mère aben (gabina tejana). je ne le crois pas parce que cette image est un postcard (sent to her with love and sympathies end-quote). but postcards as pictures where common those days. to be sure, i need to cross reference other pictures of her from the same time period. if it is for real, that she sits on the far left of this picture, donc c'est incroyable! the lady on the far right is her pretty sister - lola maria. filipinas during the american occupation of the philippines. amazing ... n'est ce pas? the same time, across the pacific, american women have started to gain true equality as citizens.

70 years have passed since the beginning of women's suffrage. we continue to find pockets of old traditions (ce pays, most especially). where people are treated as second class citizens by virtue of what is between their legs. i wonder if there is going to be a time when women, make that all human beings, are truly equal.

i was listening to the priest officiating the wedding slash baptism last weekend. he was very clear in his message. he was asserting the churches belief of designated roles for women and men. women should be submissive. women can not lead. men make the real decisions. the same kind of archaic ideas that has brought the suffrage about.

la terre du matin

these are several kids playing on the exposed coral reef along the beach near my grandfathers house in barrio bato, toledo city, island of cebu. 10 years or so ago, i remember pointing out the shoreline was not inhabited except for a few fishermen-folk. today, the shoreline has suffered much erosion from people who use the beach sand to build their stone houses. most of which are wealthy europeans (or americans), foreigners who married native women, enabling them to buy the lands. this doesnt only ruin the once pristine shores of bato, it practically monopolizes the beach line to a few foreigners. sad n'est ce pas?

heres another. people called tenants take care of lands owned by what are called landowners. they see to it that the land stays free from illegal settlers. or that part of the yield/produce/crops goes to the landowners. usually for starters, these people are from out of town, ask permission from the landowners to become tenants. these people often serve from generation to generation and so on. then there comes a time when the descendants forget who they are and they start to claim the land as theirs. it is common, where in fact, a court case is in file right now against my family (not us but my aunt's) -- my family no longer own any land in cebu as all our efforts were redirected to support sta. ana.

we believe the tenants are being influenced by communist rebels, putting these greedy ideas in their all embracing naivety. so far, no case against landowners has won yet. the commies are targeting average citizens who worked hard to buy lands. also, i am for all government initiatives to continue to make things fair for everyone. but i fear to make that distinction of what is in excess. (that warrants land reform).

toledo, cebu

c'est moi (loin droite) avec mon père (deuxième à droite), avec son frère (premier à gauche), et leur oncle, mon dernier grand-père -- lolo "prising" priscillo.

finding one, much more two, was like hitting the lottery. i still have several grandparents. i rummaged through the pictures they had at the old house. i got some really good finds. pictures all the way back to 1905!! amazing isnt it?? i cant wait to start putting them in my geneaologie project.

we talked briefly but he had a bizarre comment on the fate of all single men (comme moi). he asked me my age and then freely gave advice on getting married as soon as possible because if i dont, my penis will rot. our first conversation and it had to be about my penis. hahaha. lola loleng, also the last of her generation from my father's mother side had the same urgent advice. get married!! what is this getting married business and old folks?? ^_^

the next day (dimanche), giovanni accompanied me to the cemetery near the beach where most of my paternal ancestors are buried. there was, i found, piles of bones and skulls in one of the open graves. there were several skulls. and limbs. and i think some garbage too. i was pushed to deep contemplation about our fate. all of us have a death sentence. the moment we were conceived. doesnt say much about our existence. except that its short and meaningless.

links:
- bernards wedding
- toledo, cebu
- maximo macapobre

pourquoi je voudrais sortir paradis

i got another call from accenture asking me the same questions i got from an earlier call. the same questions which were mostly about my current company. how many people are there. how many managers. how much am i getting. as basic and other bonuses. i had the feeling i was being in a survey. that they werent really interested in me. i felt good despite dwelling in the possibility. several people made it out thru accenture once. i intend to go thru the same way. the time for recovery is over. it is time.

when i first moved down here. more than a year ago. i needed time to think and recuperate. for it was exactly like loosing a battle. tired, shocked, defeated. it was comforting to come home but it also felt like a death sentence. i know very few people who were in the same situation, who i thought felt the same way but were a bit more secretive about it. the people around do not have an ounce of understanding of what i am going thru. much less the patience to understand. this i didnt expect, so i became more fustrated.

i became real close to my family. my brothers. my sisters. mama and papa. ronnie is starting college. my nephews and nieces have started school too. we were able to get over the huge issue of sta ana. i have a job in an island in what i could only describe as paradise (voir les arbres à la plage). i have enough close friends in and out of the country. i got time for serious french studies. life couldnt be more satisfactory. and yet, i strongly feel i am missing out while i stay. why? ...

peut-être, c'est un peu bizarre -- j'ai trouve que l'accent d'afrique est plus facile que l'accent de français (normal), après je regardé la télévision (tv5). une fois, un mexicain m'a dit, mon accent anglais est plus facile que l'accent americain (comprendre) .. c'est très drôle, n'est ce pas?