beratemyblog

le site beratemyblog a présenté finalement le tiers monde. voici un fragment - family and friends, inner conflict, travel, news, political, social and religious commentary .. a therapy blog .. ils ont absolutement raison. et certainement, je l'apprecie bien.

MI ULTIMO ADIOS

i want to thank everyone who has accompanied me in this journey. my journey started at lexmark in may 2003 (a little over than 4 years ago). it was a low point in my life. i lost my job and lexmark took me generously in. i appreciate lexmark for that. i was fortunate to work with, i would say, some of the best people in the industry.

i have met some very good friends here. and certainly i will miss them the most. you guys were my second family. lexmark my second home. we are like brothers and "little" sisters. ^_^ i have many good memories while i was here. i was able to visit many places and met some very memorable characters.

quality of life is important to me. its never about the accumulation of wealth. this can only buy us as much freedom. that is freedom to do the things we want and bring us to places we want to go. but it is only through our relationships with each other (with our friends, our families) that will give us happiness. it is important that we cherish each moment, of each other's presence.

thanks for the memories. and farewell. [buddhist bow to the audience]

une dépression d'une journée

j'ai lu la nouvelle et je ne suis pas surprise à lire que les états-unis vont vendre 20 milliards d'armes au golfe pour contre l'iran. vous vous souvenez la dernière fois que les americains ont vendus des armes à la région pour contre ses ennemis (the taliban ). its somewhat diabolical is it not, for americans to create instability and then make a sizable profit out of that by selling arms to everyone in the region. c'est exactement le président passé dwight eisenhower nous a dit sur le sujet du complex militaro-industriel. where in defense contractors and the government work together solely for profit at the citizen's expense

[audio podcast - je te promets] as sudden as it appeared. its gone now. i felt so down and lost that i called up friends (gladys) and strangers (vic) - vous m'avez les deux sauvgardé, tried to telephone my family, begged others if they could spare sometime. i didnt want to be alone yesterday. i broke down inexplicably at anything. i was aching for tu-sais-qui which by the way, didn't return the favor when our roles were reversed. a lesson learned. you can never depend on anyone. j'ai gardé nos conversations sur skype. je me souviens tous. in retrospect, it was a good thing that this happened. i know now that it is what it is. je pars sans regret. had it proceeded the way i wished, it would have been a great story - that i was able to seduce tu-sais-qui to the dark side somehow. this is entirely my fault. it is recognizably a recurring problem. i depended on another.

para labanan yung depression ko kahapon. sinubukan kong makinig sa mga kantang masasaya. naglakad ako paikot sa elizabeth mall (e-mall) tapos sa jones. umabot pa ako ng fuente hangang sa bandang internet café na aking pinuputahan nuon sa una na wala pa akong computer. gusto ko sana pumunta kahapon sa simbahan. hindi para magdasal. para lang umupo at magisip. magandang lugar ang simbahan para duon. habang nakatingin din ako sa mga mukha ng mga iba tao na marahil nanduon para magdasal sa mga pagkukulang sa kani-kanilang buhay. pagabot ko sa orange brutos padung capitol. nakapoy na ako. wala na ko nadayun. pagabot sa balay nakapag sulti pa mi kay tu-sais-qui. naramdaman ko na yung layo namin sa isa't isa. sige lang .. basin ingon ana gyud ang buhay. j'étais complètement d'etre égoiste. je viens d'entendre qu'ils viennent de se quitter ... quelle une histoire triste. je ne comprends pas ce que s'est passé ..

vendredi karaokee

cette carte était fait par eugene villar. my lakbayan grade is C. pas mal? il montre les plusieurs endroits que j'ai visité et où j'avais vécu. je souhaite que je pouvais visiter le reste du pays. et toi, as-tu visité les philippines entières?

ce soir, nous allons au karaoke. j'ai preparé les chansons que je chanterais. je voudrais chanter summertime et georgia on my mind par ella fitzgerald mais je ne suis pas un chanteur. i dont want to desecrate the goddess with my mediocre singing. je vais essayer de chanter les chansons suivantes à sa place -- des chansons par oasis, des musique nouveau vague des années 80, des chansons philippin facile par lea solanga, ryan cyabyab, et ric segreto.

je te dis. ce n'est pas vrai quand tu m'a dit que personne ne t'aimera. pourquoi? parce que je t'aime. the past few days have been days of longing. sleepless nights spent needlessly thinking about you. a little lost, but otherwise in "normal" spirits. the weather has cooperated. its been raining almost everyday. dispelling in time the terrible heat wave that gave birth to the rains. en fait, j'aime quand il fait pleure parce que c'est comme la terre pleure avec moi. avec ma tristesse.

i am feeling really down as i approach the end. the final days of which, i would be taking a boat back to my hometown. i am depressed over someone i dont really have in my life.
someone special but only in my mind. it is not that i expect lady luck to just suddenly smile back. but a part of me does believe in that. and that same belief has caused me deep disappointment. now im just looking forward to that final phase of release. when i am in complete uncontrol of what's happening including how i feel - apathy. je souhaite .. je souhaite que tu rencontres quelqu'un qui t'aimera comme je t'aime. toujours et entièrement .. tu le mérites.

le lendemain, je ne pouvais pas m'aider mais penser de toi. j'ai lu nos conversations sur skype. j'avais tombé amoureux de toi une deuxième fois. je pouvais voir que c'était si facile à parler avec toi. tu es si gentil, si ouvert d'esprit, si parfait. mon coeur soupire lourdement. tu sais que je ne pouvais pas m'arrêter de dire je t'aime.

it is also at these trying times that i start to hear this other voice in my head where its telling me to give in, back to the disgusting habit of smoking. a strong temptation. but i wish to succeed. i have not smoked for close to 8 months. the longest i have had ever since i started the recovery. i must put it off my mind. c'est tout. le lapin brun me manque .. :(

ma dernière semaine

[creepy song of lexmark] je ne pouvais pas m'aider .. hahahaha .. je pense que c'est (comme un ami a le mis) très bizarre. j'ai essayé de la chanter et de la traduire en français. elle m'est souvenue d'une chanson religieuse.

lexmark theme song

nous sommes lexmark
dans le monde entier
n'importe qui vous êtes
n'importe où vous êtes
nous avons un vision
les clients pour toujours
nous avons un vision
les clients pour toujours
...
repetez, puis guitar solo

c'était un peu embarrassant. pendant diner hier soir, j'étais invité à diner par une femme d'un autre service parce qu'ils ont un visiteur de france. ils pensaient que je pouvais parler en français. j'étais le soi-disant (so-called) quelqu'un qui parle le français. ils ont tort. je l'étudie mais je n'ai jamais dis que je parle bien. it was a humbling experience. i am going to use it to fuel further my education in the language. sans doute, il y a beaucoup de travail à faire. comme quand j'ai rencontré ghis, c'était un peu difficile à comprendre son accent. peut-être c'est la même chose avec nous quand ils nous entendent. sais-tu ce que serait incroyable? quand un jour, quand je deviens meilleur, puis je parlerais comme on parle en anglais. je serais finalement fier de moi-meme ..

LA DEFENSE DES TOURS. je ne peux pas souvent dormir. parfois, je me reveille de bonne heure. puis, je m'occupe de jouer ce jeu qui s'appelle desktop tower defense. c'était developpé en flash pour que c'est simple mais il peut entrainer un dépendance. the trick is to create a labyrinth where the creatures can go around until they're killed. il y a toutes les sortes de créatures. normal, groupe, rapide, volant, sombre, immunis, spawn, les BOSS. a good set of towers placed strategically on your labyrinth will do the trick. so far, i have not been successful. im playing niveau moyen. over the years i have come to play with different sorts of players too. me. i try to enjoy the game. i am playing to have fun. others obsess about winning. others still, do not see anything wrong with cheating (my nephew and his cheat codes ^_^), and last maybe are the ones who are not so easy to spot, les sadomasochists. the latter i try to avoid.

38.89 degrés celsius

this has been in a few blogs that ive seen. i thought that i might jump in too. you can create your own simpson character. i would have preferred someone like homer's friend, springfield's town drunk barney gumble at moe's tavern but he's face wasn't available. i identify the most with him. hopeless, vulnerable, and "still remains friendly despite his unfortunate situtation (cette phrase était pris du site de barney)"

[audio podcast] il fait très CHAUD (MUY CALIENTE, mainit sobra, mainit kaayo, scorching HOT!!) ce week-end. selon le site weather.com. il fait 89 degrés fahrenheit mais il sens comme 102 degrés fahrenheit. il fait environ 38.89 degrés celsius. c'est comme la terre a une fièvre. ce n'est pas fou je deviens mais encore. ang ginagawa ko na lang dahil wala akong aircon dito sa kwarto, ay pumunta sa banyo at mag banlaw ng tubig. tapos tumatapat ako sa electric fan para habang nag evavaporate ang tubig sa katawan ay lumalamig din ang aking pakiramdam. lisod gyud ang pobre kaayo na katulad ko.

guba ang akong cable sa balay. may mga pila ka channel na ayos. katung mga local channels ra ang maayo. sa umpisa, ang akala ko ay baka mayruon nakikabit sa cable ko. nakatira lang kasi ako sa isang borading house na pagaari ng akong tito. pero sa ngayon, ang tingin ko basin na sobrahan na ng mga subscribers sa area ko. kabit lang ng kabit ang skycable. bahala ka na sa buhay mo kung matino pa ba ang reception sa tv mo. ugma mangadto ako sa ilang opisina. kay pabalhin na naman ako so ipapatigil ko na din ang aking subscription. sa sobrang bored ako, ginawa ko na lang yung pranses ko. nasa pahina 92 na ako. tungkol siya sa reflexive verbs.

kibaw kamo. tanan gihapon ang nangutana sa ako na ngano man nagaaral ako ng pranses. nag-assume kaagad sila na may balak ako mag-abroad. ang tinuod, wala akong balak. tiguang na ako. kaya ako nagaaral ng pranses kasi nakita ko mayruon akong kakayahan aralin ito. dulot ng kakayahan ito, ay naging masaya at magaan para sa akin ang mismong pagaaral.

kung mayruon akong nais sana na nahitabo, na wala na nahitabo. kini ang sa pagaaral ng cebuano. sayang. pabalhin na ako .. :(

empaqueter

quelque amis que j'ai fait à cebu. ils vont me manquer.

je viens de commencer à faire mes valises. j'ai empaqueté quelques vêtements et mes livres. tu me manques aujourd'hui. tu sais qui tu es. je t'appelle - le lapin brun. si tu m'as dit oui, et je ne pouvais jamais vivre sans toi. mais depuis tu m'as dit non, je pars juste avec un peu tristesse dans mon coeur. je pratique la langue française. c'est connu autour du monde comme la langue d'amour. peut-être c'est pourquoi je l'étudie pour que je peux le trouver quelque jour. mais maintenant. mon coeur soupire et pleure. je t'aimerai toujours mon lapin brun .. toujours .. en tous cas, j'ai essayé mon meilleur. et je ne pense jamais que je tomberai amoureux de quelqu'un après le viking. mais je deviens que j'avais tort.

2 weeks remain. the initial and erratic feelings when i made my decision have subsided. i am beginning to see that this might even be the only decision with the ship sinking, and also to realize that i am and will always be isolated. je pense de toi toute la nuit, tous le week-end. mon amour .. :((

je jure que quand je reviens à manille. j'irais visiter les bibliotèques et les libraires. quand j'ai parti il y avait powerbook, thomas jefferson, et la bibliothèque nationale. maintenant, j'ai entendu que ils ont ouvert plus grands libraires autour la ville. c'est très bien pour quelqu'un qui aime des livres. à cebu, il y a CAGNAAN qui port tous les sortes de livres qui sont haut qualité. aux états-unis, les citoyens peuvent aller aux bibliothèque public, aux barnes and noble, et sur la télé , il y a aussi le BookTV CSPAN2 où j'ai reussi à trouver une piece par Sam Harris, l'écrivain du livre célébre - la fin de la fois.

la prise de la bastille

tu sais comment ces gens qui sont beaux. it feels like theyre doing it on purpose. torture average folks with their symmetrical faces, luscious hair, full lips, enchanting smiles. like moth to the flame. nous sommes tous des victimes disposés.

aujourd'hui, france célèbre la prise de la bastille. j'ai regardé la parade sur la télé, canal TV5MONDE. il y avait des avions, des tanks, des gendarmes, des fusées, tous les sortes de camions, des hélicoptères, etc etc. j'ai devenu ennuyeux après un peu de minutes. je me demande quand les citoyens de notre pays, les philippines, attaqueront notre propre bastille. et quand je dis la bastille, je veux dire l'église catholique qui continue à dominer notre société. si quelqu'un peut analyser les ressemblances entre leur société et les notres. (1) l'église (2) la noblesse/la royauté (3) et finalement, les pauvres/les paysans. c'est exactement comme l'ancien régime avant la revolution française.

cet après-midi, j'ai vu harry potter: l'ordre du phénix. ma partie la plus préférée est quand seigneur voldemort et professeur albus dumbledore dansaient comme des chefs d'orchestre. les plus puissant sorcières dans le monde combattaient, leur sceptres s'avaient donné ce feu liquide que j'ai trouvé d'être tout à fait incroyable et assez extraordinaire. même si j'ai su que sirius mourrait de lisant le livre, sa mort me faisait presque pleurer.

[audio podcast tagalog] [audio podcast english] -- bilang na ang mga araw ko. mga ilang araw na lang ay lilipat na ako pabalik ng manila. malungkot. matagal na din akong naninirahan dito sa isla ng cebu. 4 na taon sa kasalukuyan. sa kalagitnaan ng mga taon na iyon. natutunan kong mahalin muli ang kulturang pilipino. isa sa mga hahanaphanapin ko sa cebu ay ang kawalan ng mabigat na trapiko. pangalawa, ay ang pagkain na hindi lang mura, masarap, sariwa at ang pinaka importante sari sari (pochero, balbacua, tinowa, sinugbang isda at pusit, utan sabaw ng gulay, at marami pang iba). pangatlo, sariwang hangin dahil malapit ang syudad sa dagat. malapit din sa mga bundok. panghuli at higit sa lahat ay ang mga taong tumulong sa kin sa aking maikling lakbay sa buhay. salamat sa kanila .. salamat sa iyo .. :)

l'un des choses que j'ai remarqué quand j'habitais à eufaula et quand j'habitais à cebu est que j'ai fait de vrai amis à cebu. la même chose s'est passé quand je travaillais à makati. sans doute, la qualité de la vie est mieux aux philippines. quand j'ai fait des amis, ça le fait vraiment difficile quand c'est temps à partir. de plus, je continue et je souhaite que j'ai quelqu'un qui je pouvais partager ma vie, mes aventures, mes pensées, mes espoir, mes reves, mes tristesse ..

quitter le navire

LEXMARK'S MALFUNCTION: THIS IS NOT A MISPRINT. [snip] Lexmark International is clinging to its last lifeline. [snip] Lexmark will have a tough time playing catch-up. Given its dwindling revenues, there will be less capital available for research and development. In the mean time, it can tighten its cost structure and try to run the business more efficiently. However, if the customer simply isn’t there, no financial tweaking can resuscitate Lexmark.

ce n'est pas une bonne nouvelle pour moi, même si j'étais sur le point de quitter le navire parce que j'y ai encore des amis. cet après-midi, nous (tous le monde) avons parlé des projets de la compagnie mais c'était évident que la patron minimisait le grand problème du revenue baissé (en fait, zero pour cent). elle nous a demandé à croire en lexmark. (WHAT???). j'espère que mes collègues sont plus intelligent que ça, et ils ont besoin de preparer dans un proche avenir. le navire est en train de couler (sinking) .. ne laisse pas ça. en d'autres mots, j'ai donné ma lettre de démission juste à temps.

voici la chanson lexmark [audio podcast] qui quelqu'un nous a envoyé via email. je ne comprends pas quelque des parties donc j'ai mis "..." à sa place.

we are lexmark
from all over the world
no matter who you are
no matter where ever you are
we have vision
customer for life
we have vision
customer for life

we are lexmark
we make it happen
we are lexmark ...
we have vision
...
... for excellence
we have our dream
customer for life

repetez, puis guitar solo

* mon frère a passé sa thèse *

mon frère a obtenu une licence universitaire. après moins que quatre ans, il a passé sa thèse aujourd'hui!!! et ça signifie que je suis finalement libre!!! je suis si fier de mon frère. this has always been an issue with me ever since i got my first pay check and my parents (particularly my mother) would go on their guilt tirades to have me shell out. im all about helping family. i cant imagine saying no when i can help. but there comes a point where you ask yourself. is this not some form of abuse? imagine my situation right now. im almost 35. and i have nothing. no savings. because i always feel i need to help the family. since i dont have financial freedom. i dont have freedom in other areas. i am living from paycheck to paycheck. and you know what's worse, i dont think it will ever stop. unless i make it stop.

my helping was not selfless. it is in fact machiavellian. i was concerned about my brother. and not in the way people might expect. i want him to be self reliant. so in the future i wont have to deal with potentially him depending on me. i have just about enough of people who cant take care of themselves. it is forgivable had they been victims by accident and not of their own accord. now that he's graduated. he should be able to stand up on his own now. im tired. how many more years do i have. retirement at 60. probably a good 25 years left in me. just enough time to buy my own place.

CreateProcessAsUser

there is instant drama when the subject of a drawing is a person looking away. sometimes paintings have this about them. its more than what it is seen, but what is unseen.

d'abord, j'ai fait des exercises de français. tu peux lire, étudier, ou corriger ce que j'ai fait ici --> page 80 imparfait. hier soir, j'ai diné avec toi et je ne pouvais pas m'aider de regarder aux tes lèvres jolies (lips). j'ai voulu les baiser. j'ai voulu t'embrasser pendant nous parlions de nos problèmes.

i have been working on this bug for 2 weeks and finally i had a stroke of luck yesterday. luck in this case is coming up with the correct search string to get you to the correct website.

a little introduction. in windows, printing preferences are stored in DEVMODEs. a DEVMODE is a windows structure that contains paper orientation, paper size, number of copies to print, all the things that we see in the printing preferences. there are two types of DEVMODEs. (1) the global DEVMODE contains the preference settings we see when we right click to printing preferences from the printer and faxes folder inside the control panel. (2) and the user DEVMODEs are the preference settings we see from each application. (example. notepad has its own user DEVMODE separate from word's user DEVMODE etc)

to open programmatically either one or the other depends on the calling process. if the calling process is SYSTEM owned the user DEVMODE is accessed. if the calling process is user owned the global DEVMODE s accessed. this seems rather confusing. and it could be a popular source of confusion. this information is based on observation. thanks to bernski who pointed it out to me while we were observing the list of running processes in the task manager.

now back to the bug. i have a program that launches the printing preferences, via ::DocumentProperties(). but since the program is launched by the SYSTEM, the user DEVMODE is accessed. i needed a way for the program to access the global DEVMODE from a SYSTEM owned process. therefore, using ::DocumentProperties() can never work. it is dependent on the caller, as with the rest of the program.

i searched and searched without knowing what exactly i was looking for and found another way to launch printing preference. this time from the command line. however it also suffers the same fate as the API above. when called by the SYSTEM, it accesses the user DEVMODE.

RUNDLL32 PRINTUI.DLL,PrintUIEntry /e /n"Mon imprimante"
/e - to display printing preferences
/n - printer's friendly name 

enters CreateProcessAsUser(). this function alone holds one hundred and fifty parameters. kidding. there is no doubt that it is overwhelming. this function will enable me to launch printing preferences from a SYSTEM owned process by putting in another step. to create a user owned process that launches the global printing preferences. here are the steps to use this function.

1. get user's session ID
2. get user token associated with user's session ID
3. make duplicate token (to be used as primary token in CreateProcessAsUser())
4. create an environment block (to be used in CreateProcessAsUser())
5. use CreateProcessAsUser("rundll32 printui.dll ..")
6. close handles and destroy environment block

now sometimes the step to get a user token associated with the user's session ID fails, because it lacks certain user privileges. in this case, we need to impersonate the user.

1. ImpersonateSelf(SecurityImpersonation)
2. get current thread
3. get current thread token associated with current thread
4. ImpersonateLoggedOnUser(current thread token)
5. duplicate current thread token (to be used as primary token in CreateProcessAsUser)
6. create environment block (to be used in CreateProcessAsUser)
7. create process as user
8. destroy environment block

les indios

évidemment, ce n'est pas moi. ce ne serait jamais moi. bien que je voudrais perdre du poids. there are two tricky parts in this drawing. the neck thrown back so we would see the entire expanse of it. and the stomach as it makes creases curling.

there are accusations about why i have this habit of drawing women. that is what i do. that is asking why birds fly. why we breathe. i wonder if the great masters (da vinci .. etc) before me had the same problem. i am of course an insignificant lump of pus compared to them. i am only an amateur and i could never live off my art. it is just something i enjoy doing. it does not come to me as a surprise that when i started drawing men, i get a different set of accusations. this is important i think. it means no matter what i draw. there will always be demons who will bring you down and angels who will appreciate what you are doing. nevermind them. i draw for its own sake. otherwise, i suck. it saps the magic from me. so the drawings appear stiff. without emotions. that is probably what i admire the most about real artists who have to deal with this everyday.

j'ai vu mes photos. je suis affreux (hideous), vieux, gros, ennuyeux (boring), laid, stupid, malade, perverti, sans espoir .. je ne sais pas ce que je dois faire. je dois d'être le plus laid homme qui vis. pourquoi continue-je à vivre si ma vie est si miserable? je sais pourquoi. je ne peux pas de me suicider. parce que je suis un couard. j'ai peur de vivre. j'ai peur de mourir. je sais que je sonne comme un fou .. mais ces sont vraiment mes sentiments exact. maintenant. il y a des gens qui pensent que c'est drole. ce n'est pas drole. je noie en tristesse. je ne peux plus respirer.

ma mère vient de téléphoner à moi. elle me demande si elle peut retirer (withdraw) une avance d'argent de ma carte de crédit. tout de suite, j'ai pensé que je suis épuisé. que je serai pauvre tout ma vie parce que j'ai donné tous à ma famille. ils n'arrêteront jamais à demander pour l'argent. maybe the only way out is suicide. c'est facile. n'importe comment, je n'ai personne. je suis rien ..

there are many types of pinoy. the most common are the indios. although this term is no longer fashionable. and it carries with it the weight of history. during and beyond the spanish era, this word was used by superior spanish colonizers (superior only in greed and cruelty) to refer to the natives esp amongst the catholic clergy who subjugated them.

in this blog though, i use it here as a term of pride. though few share my sentiment. this is because of the poison local media continues to perpetuate that mestizos are better looking than indios. we must open our eyes and see beyond the propaganda. where before we are outrightly called indios to subjugate us. today we are bombarded with all sorts of products on tv that advocates distorting our self image. example. many products advocate changing the color of your skin, your hair, your eyes. and it so deep, they've even infiltrated food clothing. etc. we are throwing away our hard earned money so that ultimately we would feel worse about ourselves.

living in cebu where majority are anchored, there is a solid exposure to the filipino culture. something missing in manila. down to the language spoken. cebuanos have retained a lot of their original language. they have a name for everything. this is lost to the manilenos who seem neck deep with self image issues. people want to be white, they want to talk like americans (mais pourquoi??), they want to have colored eyes, they pretend to be something theyre not, they feel superior (but in reality theyre insecure inside). i know this because i use to be one. and yet somehow being exposed to whats real. i have changed. so maybe there is hope for others as well. maintenant je suis fier d'être filipino.

we are a beautiful race. i am not being biased even though i belong to this category of peoples. i revisited the places i went to while i was in cebu. looking at my old pictures (the neighboring islands) and some news ones from last weekend. it is paradise. and this is the life i would like to have. relaxed. calm. i hope to come back to live here in the future.

juillet 09 - 30 minutes
juillet 11 - 30 minutes

moalboal weekend

cet homme je l'ai trouvé dans l'internet. je l'a copié parce que c'était facile à remarquer ses muscles et alors c'était facile à dessiner.

one time i was talking with my nephew, who is studying in a catholic school (don bosco), about heaven and hell. he is insisting that heaven is in the sky above and that hell is underground. i argued that there is no evidence of that. and whoever told him that, is lying. the sky is composed of layers of atmohpheres and above that is space. my mother who was also in the room took his side even though she knew that i was right. this is the kind of education my nephew is getting. this is festering in our people's minds. to outright deny scientific evidence.

i went to the beach this saturday. we stopped by a public school which had a sto nino (holy enfant) statue. noone seemed to notice except me. i asked them if it was legal for a public school to put in religious icons at might i say who's expense? everyone became noticeably giddy. their faces all read "max is at it again" Minolos Elementary School is in the town of barili, on the way to moalboal south west of cebu, between the towns of daguit and dumanjug. im pretty sure this is not legal. but i dont know where to report it. anyone here knows? people might again argue why i am making a big deal of it. for me education is supposed to free the mind. not clog it with archaic, false ideas, and superstition. what i have heard and seen. this most certainly contributes why our society is inept at solving the problem of poverty. and other problems. our society's been educated to rely on non existent invisible beings. we are talking about the next generation of people who will eventually take over for us. i would like them to be as scientific as possible. to be relying on our own wits ..

i was going to report this public school i mentioned earlier to the department of education of the philippines (DEPED). and right in front of the site i find another lie perpetuated by theists/ catholics. a streamer which had the words kabanalan (religiousity?) and kabayanihan (patriotism) on it, and then in the opposite corner, there was rizal's face. this insinuates that rizal advocated religion (the catholic religion). rizal was in fact a deist. he had strong anti-catholic and anti-institutionalized religion sentiments. he must have picked it up in europe, where deism was very popular especially amongst the intellectual circles. lastly, call me mundane, but who paid for that stupid streamer??

bon anniversaire RONNIE!

audio podcast

the tricky part of this drawing is the armpit up towards the bend of his arm. it is never perfect but it is believable. many people are threatened by male nudity. but it is as natural as looking at a nude female. n'est-ce pas?

mon petit frère a 20 ans. VINGT ANS!! imagine ça! et moi j'aurai 34 ans le mois prochain. j'ai essayé de jouer du velo et ai essayé de chanter cette chanson par claude françois qui est intitulé le chanteur malheureux (the unfortunate singer - hehehe c'est approprié pour moi). et OUI OUI! je sais que c'est terrible. je ne suis pas vraiment un chanteur ok.

je viens d'accepter l'offre d'emploi qui m'avais donné par l'entreprise française. et puis, je viens de leur donner ma lettre de démission. depuis c'est ma deuxième fois que j'avais essayé de démissionner, il y a un soupçon d'incertitude. lentement mais certainement. ils disent. maintenant, il faut parler aux patrons dans tous les services dont je me sens un peu inconfortable.

quitter de fumer est difficile. j'ai eu fumé pour ~10 ans. il m'a pris plusieurs relapses jusqu'a finalement j'ai reussi cet an. je suis sans fumée depuis le janvier. 7 mois. je suis si fier de moi-même. il ne me manque plus. je ne le regarde jamais. now that its out of my system, i wondered why i started this bad habit. i remember why. and still i cant find any good reason.

l'un des choses qui me manquera à cebu est les plages. le week-end, je suis allé à la plage moalboal à sud-ouest de cebu (la ville). ce n'est pas le meilleur plage et c'est ma deuxième fois j'y ai visité, mais depuis c'est ma plage dernière, j'étais vraiment triste. sans doute, j'ai essayé à m'amuser.

j'ai voulu dire à toi que je t'aime. mais je pense que tu le saches. j'ai assis à coté de toi en chemin (on the way) en ville. je pense que les autres gens le sachent aussi. nous avons pris le déjeuner ensemble. ces jours, nous prenons souvent le déjeuner ensemble comme il n'y a rien demain. c'est un autre chose qui me manquera à cebu. nous jouons. nous parlons. tu es fort mais tendre. aimable et sensuel. je t'aime. tu me manques bien. tu m'a dit que tu ne viendras pas mais tu viens .. je t'aime ..